What just happened?

During the afterschool program today, 3 of my favorite kids were playing football with me. One was a girl I went Christmas shopping with, who had been given money from a local charity to buy clothes for herself. Two were boys I tutor during the day, one of whom I'm taking on a hike in a few weeks and then writing about it together (Javier). It was the first day in about two weeks where it wasn't raining outside, and we were all so happy to be running around.

Javier started eating sunflower seeds so we took a break. I turned around and the three of them were gathered around a patch of sand writing in the dirt. I looked at it and there were gang symbols, numbers associated with gangs, etc. They knew so much, and they were doing it with me right there. What the hell. Then they started showing each other hand signs and talking about which side they (and their tias/uncles) are for. What do I do? Training did not cover this. And these were my favorite kids...

I asked them if they knew how much money a "gangster" makes. (Thanks to my housemate) I know that studies have shown only the top few gangmembers actually profit from gang activity. I told them "only the top 3" so they would get a sense of exactly how few made money. Then Javier, whose brother is in jail, told us all how gangs make their money: They shoot someone. If he doesn't die right away, they shoot him some more until he's dead. Then they empty his wallet. They take his cards. They take his ID, and either throw it away, or use it as a fake. Then, if the person has more than $5000, whoever killed him gets the extra cash. This is what happens, according to an 8-year-old.

I told him that whatever "extra cash" there is, it isn't much. I told them that I make more money than a gangster (I make about $2.50/hour). The last thing I told them was, "I'm teaching you so you can get a real job and a career someday. If you were to join a gang, it would make everything I do pointless. What I do would mean nothing and I would be so hurt." I looked right at Javier and his eyes went wide. Then they all ran off to play.

They're young enough that something could sink in. I just hope that what I say helps them now, and also resonates years down the road.

What do you think of AmeriCorps?

A friend asked me a simple question the other day: What do you think of AmeriCorps? and I was really surprised by it. What did he mean? Which part of AmeriCorps? The program as a whole, or my specific experience? Just my job, or my whole life? Maybe it was so tough to answer because my feelings about it are so complicated.

I think what I'm supposed to do and what I actually do are pretty different. The program is ideally an in-school literacy tutoring service, where I meet with students one-on-one in my own classroom for 30 minutes every day, improving reading skills, phonics, comprehension, spelling, fluency, etc.

What really happens is kind of different. I work in other teachers' classrooms for 2/3 of the school day. I often tutor 2 or 3 kids at a time, and usually for about 20 minutes a session. Some students I only see 3 days a week, if I'm lucky. Then, my real job, the one not in the contract, comes in. AmeriCorps is involved in (or should I say, AmeriCorps IS) the after school program. I help coordinate homework tutoring, physical education, arts & crafts, and computer time. My after school group is about 9 kids. None of that part is in the grant...

I do question how the funds for this program are being used. With taxpayer dollars, this program is designed to improve students' literacy: bottom line.

But when it comes down to it, AmeriCorps itself is about doing more than what's expected of you. This school needs major help. More help than I could ever give it, and not as a literacy tutor, but as a human being. Their funding was absolutely cut for after school programs. Their teachers have an average class size of 33. The Vice Principal position was removed for budget this year. The entire district is being condemned by the state as a failing school district. I could tell you first hand that the district failing... and the people it's failing most are the children who are supposed to learn there.

So at the end of the day, What do I think of AmeriCorps? What do I think of my job? What do I think of my life? Things have been very hard. Work is definitely not what I expected, and it can be overwhelming. And I love it. At the end of the day, I think that if I've helped someone at all, in any way, then I've done my job to the best of my ability. Forget about what the grant says: I'm America's bitch for a year, and there's always more I could do...

I am very white.

I grew up in rural Upstate New York. Everyone I went to school from K-12 was white, with the exception of two African American families and a Cambodian family. I went to college in Upstate New York, where University of Rochester had a mathematical proportion that equated to diversity, but still, most of my friends were white, and with that, also from Upstate New York. I lived and studied in England for a while, and although I was technically a foreigner, my English/Irish heritage made me fit right in. With the exception of white Nikes and an accent that butchered the Queen's language, no one looked at me any differently. I have always been in the majority.

But not in Salinas, CA. At school, there are about 600 kids. Two out of these 600 are white. Also, I can count the number of white staff members on one hand, including myself.

Even though white is in the minority here, Salinas is far from diverse. The other 598 kids at the school are Mexican/Hispanic. There are no African American kids. There is one Asian staff member. Nationally, Hispanic people are a minority group, but here they are the reigning majority. The kids know as little about diversity as I did growing up. I'm getting a sense of what the minority groups felt like in Upstate New York.

For one, you get a lot of stares.

Besides for that, I've been called Miss Barbie before--probably for my blond hair and blue eyes. I've had to explain what freckles are and how they come to be. Little girls look at my blue eyes and tell me they want them. Students often ask me if myself and the other AmeriCorps member with blond hair and blue eyes are "brothers" (they don't know the word "siblings" or "related" yet).

Do I feel discriminated against? No. I think the language barrier is a much bigger segregating factor than skin color for me. The comments about my race come from a place of honest childhood curiosity.

On the flip side, if I were Asian, I doubt the kids would be so kind. I've heard countless taunts from the kids about "the Chinese," as they call them. They pull their eyes into slits and fake speaking in Chinese.

What's funny is, I remember watching little white kids stereotype Asian people the same way when I was growing up.

I guess the kids do stereotype me, too, but stereotypes of being white--as these kids know them to be--are advantageous. They ask me if I have a lot of money, or if I have a big house: things they associate with white people. They say they wish they were born in New York too, as opposed to Mexico or even Salinas.

Probably the hardest one for me of all: they ask me to take them back to New York with me when I go.

On a lighter note

One of the classes I help made Christmas cards for me. Here are a few of my favorite notes:

"Dear Ms. Down, I want you to be my teacher forever. I like you like my teacher forever the end."

"Thank you Miss Down for helping the kids that they don't know nothing and you help the students already know how to read and say things in English."

"Thank you for helping me to read and thank you for giving me rubber band."

"Dear Dawn, Thank you for helping us read, speak, and learn. Thank you for playing 4 square. Have a wonderful vacation."

"Dear Miss Dawn, Thank you for everything you have done to us and had played with us. Have a great trip."

"Dear Ms. Dawn, Thank you for helping my friend Prudencia. You are the kind person I ever met. And funny person."

Sweet kids:)

Homicides in 2009

The year 2009 was a record-breaking year for homicides in Salinas. As of December 16, there were 29 homicides, which surpasses the previous year's record of 25. It has been declared that all homicides this year have been gang-related.

Above is a link to a map of the homicides and victims' names up through Dec 2.

The elementary school where I work, Alisal Community School, is on the corner of Del Monte Ave and Williams Rd. Check the proximity to the red x's.

The Basics

Monterey Bay United for Literacy works in 6 schools in the Alisal School District. There are roughly 30 volunteers in this program. In theory, we meet with students for one-on-one reading sessions and literacy lessons.

The students we work with are in grades K-4, and they are by and large English Language Learner students. Alisal School District is comprised of mostly Hispanic, Mexian, and Mexican-American families. Migrant farm work is the most common occupation for parents of these students. Many families do not have any English spoken in their homes.

Alisal is a school district on the east side of Salinas, CA, where gang violence and poverty are very real, everyday threats.

Things are intense.

I knew this job was going to be hard, but it's harder than I thought it would be. Hence, me not writing for roughly 4 1/2 months. Too much to process. Now I'll start trying. Again.